Road to Higher Self Esteem

How many times have you done something that you are not happy about? Is there something you still feel guilty about?

These feelings keep us in a perpetual ‘victimised state’ and result in low self esteem. How hard are we with ourselves? How judgemental? How unforgiving? How critical are we about our efforts, our looks, our entire persona? Must we be so hard-hearted or should we give ourselves another chance? Must we take ourselves so seriously?

I strongly agree with Eleanor Roosevelt’s famous quote that ‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent’. There is this part of us that determines our capability to enjoy life and achieve success. This is our ‘self image’. According to psychologist Dr. Nathaniel Branden, ‘Our self image is who or what we think we are, consciously and unconsciously - our physical and psychological characteristics, our shortcomings and strengths.’

The image that we have of ourselves determines the level of self esteem we have. No human being is born with low self esteem. But over time, our disrespect for ourselves, feelings of guilt, fear of failure, constant comparison with others, and the constant criticism we encounter in our immediate environment lead us to that.

Our circumstances and more importantly our reaction to these circumstances determine our self-esteem which, in turn, determines what we achieve in life.

Do you know what your ‘Self-esteem Quotient’ is? Would you like to know? Take some time to grade the following statements on the grid below:

1. I look at the sunny side of everything. (SA, A, N, D, SD)
2. I am as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own. (SA, A, N, D, SD)
3. I feel that the whole world is on my side. (SA, A, N, D, SD)
4. I do not forget the mistakes of the past. (SA, A, N, D, SD)
5. I have no time to criticize others. (SA, A, N, D, SD)

For statements A, B, C and E mark a 5 for SA, 4 for A, 3 for N, 2 for D and 1 for SD.
For statement D mark a 5 for SD, 4 for D, 3 for N, 2 for A and 1 for SA.

Check your score.
If you have scored less than 18, you need to take action to boost your self esteem.
If you have scored 18 or above, you are doing well.
Sustain and improve yourself everyday to reach 25.

Now that we know our ‘Self Esteem Quotient’ and we also realize the importance of high self esteem, how can we work towards improving ours?

1. Our looks play a major role in our self image. Take care of your looks. Always be well groomed. Wear clothes and colours that suit your personality. Step out of your home looking your very best.
2. Be clear about what you want to be, do, or have. Set achievable goals. Break them down into hourly or daily goals and when you achieve them, give yourself a pat on the back or better still, treat yourself to something you like. Small successes boost our morale.
3. Surround your self with positive people. Positive people exude positive energy, while negative people steal your energy making you feel low.
4. Don’t live in the past. The past is dead and buried. The best you can do with your past is to learn lessons from it and move on.
5. Stop putting yourself down. Never say anything uncomplimentary about yourself. Remember self pity is our worst enemy.
6. Make a list of all the good deeds you have done, things you are good at, and things that make you happy.
7. Don’t expose your mind to negativity. Push all negative thoughts out of your mind. Always be positive about yourself. Keep reminding yourself of your good qualities. Do not brood over negative things. Take all that happens in your stride.
8. Accept constructive criticism without reacting to it. Don’t be defensive. Don’t get upset. Constructive criticism is like a mirror. It helps you identify your weaknesses and eliminate them one by one. However, any cynical comments must be completely ignored. Someone’s opinion of you is not the ‘real you.’
9. Accept failure as another chance to succeed. Failures are like parasites. If you let them, they will eat away at your self-respect and self esteem. We all need to understand that everyone fails at something or the other, at one time or another in his life. We should tell ourselves that there is always a next time.
10. Do not compare yourself with others, only with yourself. That is the easiest way to boost your self-esteem. Rate yourself on your achievements. Make it a point to filter out all self criticism. Don’t try to be like others. Don’t wish that you were someone else. You are a unique being. There is no one in the universe exactly like you and that is your greatest asset.
11. Interact with people. Come out of your shell. Give compliments to others on their good attributes and when you receive a compliment, accept it with a sincere ‘thank you’.
12. Be assertive about your rights. Treat others with respect and expect to be treated with respect.
13. Sit up straight. Your posture determines your confidence level and vice-versa. Walk with your shoulders thrown back and your chest puffed up. That way you breathe better and it ensures that you feel more confident. Try it now and note the difference in your self-image.
14. Think of yourself as the most important person in your life and treat yourself accordingly. Love yourself. Respect yourself. If you believe in yourself, you will be amazed at the things you can achieve.
15. Learn to do things for fun. Do things that make you feel happy.
16. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Loosen up.
17. Don’t blame others for your problems. Take responsibility for your own actions. Put all excuses aside.

If you put these principles into practice, there is no stopping you.
But while you ride your high horse, always remember Nathaniel Branden’s words, ‘Persons of high self-esteem are not driven to make themselves superior to others; they do not seek to prove their value by measuring themselves against a comparative standard. Their joy is in being who they are, not in being better than someone else.’